I’m not from South Carolina. I swear.
I’m not from that state with disappearing governors, loud-mouthed elected officials and mystery candidates who win nomination solely on their normal-sounding names.
Oh, who am I kidding? I am from South Carolina. While I’m proud to be a Charlestonian and proud to give Stephen Colbert fresh new content on a regular basis, I am not proud of the political pests that plague the headlines with embarrassing stories of international affairs and racial slurs.
For your reading pleasure, I present you the top five political pests (and reasons to be proud you’re not from South Carolina)!
5. State Sen. Jake Knotts – “We already got one raghead in the White House; we don’t need a raghead in the governor’s mansion,” Knotts said in reference to GOP gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley.
Republican State Sen. Jake Knotts used a racial slur while discussing GOP gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley on a radio show.
4. Action Figure Alvin Greene – In addition to winning the Democratic Senate nomination and his brilliant plan to spark the economy with action figures of himself, Greene was also indicted for showing pornography to a University of South Carolina student.
Alvin Greene won the South Carolina Democratic primary for U.S. Senate, but has been indicted on indecency charges for showing porn to a college student.
3. Rep. Joe Wilson – “You lie!” (no explanation necessary)
Oh, Joe.
2. Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer – I’m a poor student. Therefore, according to Bauer, helping me is like feeding a stray animal.
A lot of people have told me that this guy would be far worse than Gov. Mark Sanford (not that I have anything against Sanford). That's just what I've been told.
1. It’s Hotter Down South: The Mark Sanford Story – What would make a better made for TV movie than the disappearing governor who said he was “hiking the Appalachian Trail” only to come out and confess to a forbidden love story to an Argentine mistress?
I love this photo.
Nathan Frandino 
Bauer is far, far worse.